Fifty Shades of Messed Up

inbox:

there is no reason for “sean” to be pronounced “shawn”

sempiternalink:

I can’t believe drawing a black line across my eyelids makes me feel 10x prettier.

firaja:

"black friday" more like the day where merchandise is sold for what it’s actually worth

whorecrux-harry:

"Don’t kid yourself" would be a great slogan for birth control pills

theunbreakablev0w:

fake-n-bake:

I don’t need to go to college I can learn anything I want through youtube tutorials 

image

moonager:

One time I was on a rollercoaster and a guy’s hat fell off during one of the loops but he caught it when we were right side up again, and i have to go my whole life knowing I’ll never be as cool as that guy.

opentheairforfreshwindows:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

did you hear about the italian chef who died?

he pasta way

he just ran out of thyme

here today, gone tomato

his wife is still upset, cheese still not over it

we never sausage a tragedy coming

ashes to ashes, crust to crust

there’s just not mushroom for italian chefs in today’s world

spaghetti

splders:

*eats 4 slices of pizza*

im so full

*eats another 4 slices of pizza*